Occasional

12:07 pm

Cold's coming in. People going out.

Contemplation months.

08:19 am

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

12:04 pm - From Delicious to Benzos

I'm medically addicted to Klonopin.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clonazepam)

It actually does it's job. It's very weird. I take a drug, and yet another neurosis fades away for however long it lasts. It doesn't fix anything, it just turns the anxiety off, with a little sedation.

But when it wears off, I start withdrawing.

It's a feeling I've never experienced. True, physical withdrawal.

I need to take the opportunity of this weirdness to get things patched, at least a bit. Because I could go either way at this point:

Up, into interest, planning, future, hope.

or down, into the ever-lasting present.

09:44 pm - On Tiptoe

Oh you, sweet naughty. you do like a free hard-core, I know that. But craps, who dont.
Visit me & belt on my video, darling.

www shetonight cn

restitutory ingratiate totalled reformulates armer
commiserating congealedness prosaically extroverted sanify
resinbush octandrious luxation
mohurs gemote titanoniobate honeysweet
stained futileness vesiculation
numerable boers

Current Mood: amused

09:34 pm

So they've apparently given me an IEP. So goes a good amount of the conflict with the school.

Be that a good thing or not.

Having another is wondrous, yes?

Yes.

One problem:

it is joyful to see your love happy, contented, joyful.

it is equally terrible to see them in despair.

you begin to have impact on another person, and in turn are impacted by them.

10:52 am - Organismo

Too many variables, too many factors to be able to pinpoint exactly the causes, even the nature of my states. My consciousness rests in a fantastically complex web of circumstance, created by the web as well as supported. The body is the brain is the mind.

Easy to overclock, underclock, wake up, put to sleep, dilate, salivate.

Processes. Symptoms. Functions.

Extremely difficult to troubleshoot.
No manual, see? Not even source code.

Just cause and effect. Trial and error.
The shadows of If-Then statements.

If chemicals, then chemicals.
Chemistry, pharmacology, biology, philosophy.

07:17 pm

And now, the dust settles.

I don't have to pine into the vacuum anymore.

Emmett is free.

My grades are wrecked.

Everyone's coming back.

Splash is this weekend.




Another year.

02:05 am

05:45 pm

I've forgotten what growing apart from someone feels like. Is this it?

Or are you yet again, overanxious? Overeager?

Neurotic.

12:36 am

My whole body is vibrating. Should I call a doctor?

08:24 pm

Am I to lose even my fantasies?

07:52 pm

Summer hit yesterday, around 4:30.

Fiat lux;

it's 8, and I can see.

06:46 pm

I love starting conversations with an entirely neutral, "hello". Especially text message conversations, such a lack of mood indicators throws many people off.

07:43 pm

Bursting, pressuring possibility. Overwhelming. It's wonderful to have too much to think instead of not enough, for the first time in a while.

(Sweetly?)

Current Mood: hopeful

01:11 pm

We're finally on our own.

09:39 pm

Fuck it.

02:25 pm

I seem to be the only person that doesn't have much enthusiasm for the feeling of amphetamine intoxication.

02:33 am

I'll think through images, rather than through text.

http://hs.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30014485&op=2&o=all&view=all&subj=1238040148&id=1238040027

http://hs.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=38704&op=1&o=all&view=all&subj=1238040148&id=506143475

Exhibit A: fat dork.

B: Less so. this one has a jaw, instead of his head being a huge oval.

11:07 pm - Get by with a little help

The pain relieving effects of mind alteration are not to be underestimated.

01:18 am

Kurt Vonnegut is dead.

So it goes.